It's okay to be hurting, Peter. I'm not gonna tell you that you shouldn't or that it's gonna be okay.
But in grief it's sometimes easy to forget that the ones we lost are still their own person with their own agency and capabilities. Not just someone to grief about, or someone who lost their lives because we didn't protect them. It's not fair to them because they don't get a say in the matter.
[That...makes him think, he wipes his nose and manages to meet Flynn's gaze on screen. After all, Yondu had made the decision to sacrifice his life for him--even though Peter thought that if he'd made one or two choices differently it wouldn't have had to happen in the first place.]
I know, but...maybe she'd still be alive if I didn't...fall asleep. If I kept an eye on her. [He's doing his best to keep his voice steadier.]
And it's okay to wish that you had done things differently. But you don't know that for sure, Peter, that's why it's called an accident. It's fast and it's sudden and nobody wants it to happen and most of the time it doesn't makes sense.
[He exhales.] I know that the 'what ifs' feel like they give at least some kind of sense to it but... they usually don't.
[Flynn sighs softly, his heart going out for his friend.] You're probably gonna feel that way for a while. Just don't let it paralyze you. You can't changed what happened but you can change how you go on about it.
[He hesitates. It's nothing he really wants to go into but maybe it will help Peter.]
Sometimes... sometimes our decisions are faulty or painful or dangerous. That's just part of who we are, what life is about.
Yeahhh, I... had a lot of things to learn. Being the Librarian was a very new world for me and sometimes I... [His voice grows a little quieter for a moment.] Sometimes I just screwed up.
[He suspects there's something more here than just Sometimes I just screwed up, that sentence made it seem like he lost a book, but if he's saying it right now, and the way he's saying it, is like there's something big behind it...yeah. Must have been bad.]
[This is kinda weird because he's admitting that yeah, he feels really sad and he's going to be sad for awhile but...this helps. Talking to Flynn always helps.]
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No, she'd actually be pretty pissed about it.
...you're right, I shouldn't...
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But in grief it's sometimes easy to forget that the ones we lost are still their own person with their own agency and capabilities. Not just someone to grief about, or someone who lost their lives because we didn't protect them. It's not fair to them because they don't get a say in the matter.
cw more character deaths
I know, but...maybe she'd still be alive if I didn't...fall asleep. If I kept an eye on her. [He's doing his best to keep his voice steadier.]
cw more character deaths
[He exhales.] I know that the 'what ifs' feel like they give at least some kind of sense to it but... they usually don't.
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I still should have stayed up to keep an eye on her.
[It's muttered, an arguement to no one but his own battered conscience.]
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[He hesitates. It's nothing he really wants to go into but maybe it will help Peter.]
Sometimes... sometimes our decisions are faulty or painful or dangerous. That's just part of who we are, what life is about.
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[Your advice is so good Flynn, it's exactly what he needs to hear.
Weirdly enough, it doesn't feel like something that Blue would say. He rubs his face, and sighs painfully.]
Thanks, man. [It's a genuine, heartfelt sentiment.] You're really good at this.
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And I... I know how you feel.
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[But that gets a a confused look.]
You do?
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He hesitates.]
Yeah. I do. I have...
There are some things I wish I would have done differently.
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You? Really?
...I'm sorry you had to go through that.
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Thanks.
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Does it ever go away? That feeling?
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[Anything else would be a lie and it wouldn't be fair to Peter.]
But it does get better. It really does. And then it just becomes... a part of who you are.
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[That was terrifying, to be honest, even if it did get better.]
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You're more than just your failures, Peter.
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I mean, on paper, I know. But it doesn't feel like it.
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But I think you can do it. I believe in you.
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What did he ever do to deserve such a good friend as you, bro?
Peter rubs his face with one hand, sniffling.]
...thanks, man.
I...uh.
[How to word?]
Just...thank you.
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And hey, if you want to talk or... or if you feel sad or need some distraction, just, you can just call, alright? Always.
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[This is kinda weird because he's admitting that yeah, he feels really sad and he's going to be sad for awhile but...this helps. Talking to Flynn always helps.]
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You can call me anytime, okay?