[It takes Peter an exceptionally long time to finally talk to Flynn, he's written it down no less than five times on his already very-scribbled-on hand and arm, but every time he remembers to call him, he gets distracted. Finally, finally, he manages to quickly open up a line.]
Peter? Oh wow, there you are, finally, are you okay? Gabriel told me you were back but I couldn't reach you, I'm so glad you're back, I was so worried, are you injured? What about your injuries? Are they gone? How do you feel? Is someone coming to get you?
[Flynn's face and hands are all excitement and he beckons at the screen, leaning in to get a better look at his friend.]
Yeah! Everything's great! [The evidence that Peter's nose and cheek had broken, the slightly 'off' quality was gone, and he fine again, even with his growing beard. Fortunately it wasn't anywhere near yeti state yet.]
Man you don't know how much something hurts when it suddenly doesn't anymore. Being able to walk again without help is amazing! Dude I ran around just for the fun of it, it was great! I haven't ran in forever! I can actually go through the snow without everything hurting! How does this even work? You think they gave us new bodies? What if I'm in a new body, wouldn't that be wild? Terrifying, too. How would I know? Where's they even get it from? Maybe they clone us. Or maybe they have like some kind of healing powers. I mean, having to get at this point kinda sucked, right? Are you okay? It's good to see you, too. [He's even more rambly than usual.]
[He seems so genuinely happy, but something catches in his words.]
I'm sorry I put you through...uh...all that. I know what it's like, you...you--I'm sorry.
I mean, it's something. That doesn't mean you should seek out death every time you break a leg because you really shouldn't. But it's good as a side effect. You know, now that it happened anyway and... yeah.
[Where was he going with this?]
It's good that you're up on your feet again! And that you can run, running is important. Maybe they just healed you? Bringing someone back from the death are some top notch healing powers after all, why wouldn't they heal anything else that comes with it, right?
[Where anybody else might be overwhelmed by the rambling interludes Flynn just... kind of works through them. It's a little like talking to himself, actually, the sudden jumps and cuts in this jumbled mess and he feels strangely at home with it.]
I'm okay, really, I am. [His voice turns a little more serious.] I'd do it again. Anytime.
I know, I know, but maybe it's part of it, like, when how my dad could completely regrow his body? It was horrifying man, seeing that--just like this dude forming bones and guts and muscles and stuff I'm like I really really could go my whole life without seeing what's supposed to be my dad just materialize all grossly out of energy. Anyway it was weird--and kind of terrifying? And sometimes he just manifested out of just, the rock and had all these tendrils and it's like--you don't really expect that, ever, when you wonder what your dad is like? I mean I thought maybe he was like David Hasselhoff? Or hoped so? But instead he's like Darth Vader? Or one of those weird entities on Star Trek? But you live your whole life thinking the guy's human, and then learn he's not, which is okay--I mean, I grew up around aliens so it's kind of both a scary thing and a relief. Scary because like, what is he, what am I, right? But then a relief because I'm not some weak human. No offense, but I have a huge amount of offensive and defensive tech back home because being a regular human is pretty much weaksauce out in space. [All the ramble.]
Also I can't focus right now, it's my death price.
--for real, though? I feel really terrible about it.
...that's...awesome of you. You're a really good person, Flynn.
[He's just super touched, and kind of overwhelmed by it.]
I know what it's like to watch someone die. It's not something I would wish on anyone. You're...you don't have to say that.
Yeah, Gabriel told me about your death price. Have you eaten? You need to eat. How about you eat right now, while I talk? That way you don't forget. And drink some water, too, that's even more important.
[Flynn just works his answers into the little pauses of Peter's ramblings, letting himself fall into the stream-of-consciousness flow of the conversation.]
Don't feel bad about it. Seriously, it's fine. I've... I've done it before. And I mean it, I'd do it again. It's... yes, it's hard and it's sad and I was, um, I was a little upset after you were-- when you were gone.
["A little."]
But I'd feel even worse if you had been alone. Nobody should be alone when they die, it's not right.
Oh, man, I probably should go do that. Yeah, I'll eat. I miss real food. I miss earth food too--not everything, because school pizza is just a crime against nature, I was kinda hoping that hey, since I'm on earth, you think I'd get like, maybe a nice steak or something? But no. The snacks are okay, but I'm starving half the time with them, ugh, what wouldn't I give for some ribs, slathered in barbecue sauce. I'm gonna pretend I'm eating that right now.
...you've done it before? [That distracts him, but at least he's eating.] Oh dude, I'm sorry you had to do that. It sucks, it's...wow. I shouldn't have...
...it was my fault anyway, it my mista--
[He freezes, looking slightly ashen, when Flynn says Nobody should be alone when they die, it's not right. The overwhelming guilt of what he'd done when his mom died...she just wanted him to take his hand. And Flynn had done the equivalent, when he was out there, freezing.]
Good. Good, you do that. [That's one thing taken care of at least. But he's worried about how explicitly he has to tell Peter to do these things; Flynn makes a mental note to check in regularly and see to it that he keeps up the food and water intake.]
I did. It was different than what happened to you but I-- yeah, I did.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, Peter. What happened was bad enough, don't bring yourself down over it. I'm just glad you're back and safe. And so are Stephen and the others. You're okay now, that's all that matters.
...I really hope you don't have to do it ever again. [It's...kind of a joke, but not really. He's not really smiling when he says it. He feels terrible about it, maybe more than most people, considering how he'd lost every one of his parental figures.]
Yeah. Yeah, it's...fine, I'm fine, I just...
[How can he articulate it? The memories were not...the clearest, but he remembered the sound of Flynn's voice, and it just...hurt, thinking back on it. And then his own thoughts had deteriorated and--and his own mortality was the literal opposite of what he'd been worried about for some time here, and it was kind of more than a little horrifying to experience it for himself. Just that...finality. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do, that his body was shutting down, and there was no way out.
Dead.
Peter's completely lost in his thoughts, his focus gone, his brows furrow and he chews on his lip anxiously.]
[Flynn watches Peter a little apprehensively, waiting to see if he speaks again. Wow, Gabriel wasn't kidding. He can tell that his friend's thoughts are racing but noting seems to come of it, just wildly spinning with no focus.
[He probably should talk about it with someone, it probably might help, but he was feeling a little...scared of relieving those feelings, exactly. It was a different brand of existential horror than he'd been dealing with for some time. He doubted even a professional would be able to untangle what's been going on in his head now.
He finishes his food, at least.]
Nah, man, you're good. Even just talking helped. Listen, I gotta... [He checks his arm.] Go to the bathroom. I'll talk to you later, 'kay?
Peter's still on video, he probably should remain on audio, but it helps him to focus. Not that he's having a particularly hard time with the tangents right now, all his thoughts, as stormy as they were, were being kept in line (mostly) by sheer emotion. Hard to drift off too far when you constantly felt sad.]
Flynn?
[He sounds...devastated, plain and simple. His voice cracks.]
For a moment Flynn is just dumbfounded at the turn of events. That can't be right? That's a new low – even for Norfinbury – that can't actually be happening?]
[Oh no. This isn't right. Not only is it not fair, it's just not right. This place, all of this, it has to stop at some point.
Flynn hasn't talked to Rocket much but he had heard so many stories at this point, knew so much about their adventures and bond that it almost felt like he did. The grief on Peter's face is so all-encompassing that it takes Flynn a considerable amount of willpower not to just look away.]
I'm so sorry, Peter, I... I know how much he means to you.
[Peter's not very good at dealing with...this. And he's had too many losses, and they were all stacking up. He thought he'd held it together, and like what Bluestar said, he was the leader, he had to be strong for the group, to cheer them up, he had to pull a Captain Kirk but right now he didn't think he could even be strong for himself. Talking to Flynn's always helped, he'd been able to share things with him that he never thought he'd share with anybody.
And for this to happen on the heels of him coming back from such a horrifying fate himself, and all the other things the town's dumped on him, it's just...too much.]
I wasn't there for him. [It's a broken sound to his voice, almost a sob, that he's trying very hard to suppress.] I should have been there and I wasn't.
[Flynn freezes when Peter's pained admission resonates a little too strongly with him. He tries to keep his voice calm and comforting but it's wavering, moved by the situation and his friend's loss that he can understand a little too well. That heart-wrecking, gut-wrenching feeling of loss and regret, of having failed someone close to you.
What is there even to say? Sometimes things are just too sad, too painful and there's nothing you can do about it.]
It's not your fault you couldn't be there, Peter.
I know... I know it doesn't feel like it. That's okay. But it's not.
[He's quiet. Pinching the bridge of his nose, tears trickling down, as he shuts his eyes tight. It just...hurt. So bad. He breaths heavily, before kicking something loudly.]
Damn it!
[It doesn't feel like it. He does feel like it's his fault.
There's a long pause until he comes back on. He sounds raw.]
...how can we keep doing this, Flynn? What is this place krutackin' doin' to us? Breakin' us into little pieces until there's nothin' left?! Is that what the Admin wants? Is that what this is? Some kind of sick experiment!? I still remember those thousand years, it's still in my head--not everything, but it's more than I should remember. And those other times that didn't actually happen--what's happening here!? How did I even come back to life!? I died, Flynn! What IS this place!?
[He hits something hard again, kicking wildly over and over again, until he collapses next to it, with a sob.]
[Flynn's voice is quiet in the wake of Peter's outburst and pained in face of the helplessness of it all. He feels like he should have answers for his friend. Isn't that what he does? Figure things out, solve the puzzles?] I don't... I just don't understand it. I'm sorry. I wish I could...
[He exhales when his voice threatens to break, desperately searching for words of comfort. None are coming to him.]
But we... we have to. Keep doing this, we have to keep trying. Find a way home. We can't let this place win.
[Despite believing in them the words sound hollow to Flynn today, especially with Peter's sobs in the background.]
Yeah. Someone once told me that if you fight your destiny you will be miserable. That you have to embrace it and revel in it instead.
[He pauses when emotions and memories threaten to well up that he had locked away from the moment he sat foot into this frozen wasteland. It takes him a moment before he can continue.]
Before I got here I, uh, had a bit of a crisis. Everything seemed too much, I wanted to get away from the job, from the Library, from what I'm doing, but... in the end it just found me again. And it hurt? A lot, it was very... [He trails off and he clears his throat, trying to get the sudden rawness out of his voice.]
But it made me realize I can't just turn my back on who I am. [Even if it's painful. Even if it's lonely.] I don't believe in fate. But I believe in what I have to do. I know I want to go back and do it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@PetertheGreat, video, Night 319 cw talk of character death/future character death
Flynn! Dude! I'm here!
video
[Flynn's face and hands are all excitement and he beckons at the screen, leaning in to get a better look at his friend.]
It's so good to see you!
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Man you don't know how much something hurts when it suddenly doesn't anymore. Being able to walk again without help is amazing! Dude I ran around just for the fun of it, it was great! I haven't ran in forever! I can actually go through the snow without everything hurting! How does this even work? You think they gave us new bodies? What if I'm in a new body, wouldn't that be wild? Terrifying, too. How would I know? Where's they even get it from? Maybe they clone us. Or maybe they have like some kind of healing powers. I mean, having to get at this point kinda sucked, right? Are you okay? It's good to see you, too. [He's even more rambly than usual.]
[He seems so genuinely happy, but something catches in his words.]
I'm sorry I put you through...uh...all that. I know what it's like, you...you--I'm sorry.
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I mean, it's something. That doesn't mean you should seek out death every time you break a leg because you really shouldn't. But it's good as a side effect. You know, now that it happened anyway and... yeah.
[Where was he going with this?]
It's good that you're up on your feet again! And that you can run, running is important. Maybe they just healed you? Bringing someone back from the death are some top notch healing powers after all, why wouldn't they heal anything else that comes with it, right?
[Where anybody else might be overwhelmed by the rambling interludes Flynn just... kind of works through them. It's a little like talking to himself, actually, the sudden jumps and cuts in this jumbled mess and he feels strangely at home with it.]
I'm okay, really, I am. [His voice turns a little more serious.] I'd do it again. Anytime.
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Also I can't focus right now, it's my death price.
--for real, though? I feel really terrible about it.
...that's...awesome of you. You're a really good person, Flynn.
[He's just super touched, and kind of overwhelmed by it.]
I know what it's like to watch someone die. It's not something I would wish on anyone. You're...you don't have to say that.
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[Flynn just works his answers into the little pauses of Peter's ramblings, letting himself fall into the stream-of-consciousness flow of the conversation.]
Don't feel bad about it. Seriously, it's fine. I've... I've done it before. And I mean it, I'd do it again. It's... yes, it's hard and it's sad and I was, um, I was a little upset after you were-- when you were gone.
["A little."]
But I'd feel even worse if you had been alone. Nobody should be alone when they die, it's not right.
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[A blink.]
Oh, man, I probably should go do that. Yeah, I'll eat. I miss real food. I miss earth food too--not everything, because school pizza is just a crime against nature, I was kinda hoping that hey, since I'm on earth, you think I'd get like, maybe a nice steak or something? But no. The snacks are okay, but I'm starving half the time with them, ugh, what wouldn't I give for some ribs, slathered in barbecue sauce. I'm gonna pretend I'm eating that right now.
...you've done it before? [That distracts him, but at least he's eating.] Oh dude, I'm sorry you had to do that. It sucks, it's...wow. I shouldn't have...
...it was my fault anyway, it my mista--
[He freezes, looking slightly ashen, when Flynn says Nobody should be alone when they die, it's not right. The overwhelming guilt of what he'd done when his mom died...she just wanted him to take his hand. And Flynn had done the equivalent, when he was out there, freezing.]
...yeah. That's...yeah. [His voice is tight.]
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I did. It was different than what happened to you but I-- yeah, I did.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, Peter. What happened was bad enough, don't bring yourself down over it. I'm just glad you're back and safe. And so are Stephen and the others. You're okay now, that's all that matters.
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Yeah. Yeah, it's...fine, I'm fine, I just...
[How can he articulate it? The memories were not...the clearest, but he remembered the sound of Flynn's voice, and it just...hurt, thinking back on it. And then his own thoughts had deteriorated and--and his own mortality was the literal opposite of what he'd been worried about for some time here, and it was kind of more than a little horrifying to experience it for himself. Just that...finality. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do, that his body was shutting down, and there was no way out.
Dead.
Peter's completely lost in his thoughts, his focus gone, his brows furrow and he chews on his lip anxiously.]
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[Flynn watches Peter a little apprehensively, waiting to see if he speaks again. Wow, Gabriel wasn't kidding. He can tell that his friend's thoughts are racing but noting seems to come of it, just wildly spinning with no focus.
It's a little too familiar.]
Peter? Are you okay?
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Yeah! Yeah. I'm okay, I'm here.
Sorry, just...yeah, I'm okay. Sorry. Thinking. It's been a little rough lately. I don't recommend dying.
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[He can't really keep the concern from his voice at this point.]
Listen, is there anything I can do for you? Gabriel told me the others are coming to get you, that's good. But do you need anything?
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[He probably should talk about it with someone, it probably might help, but he was feeling a little...scared of relieving those feelings, exactly. It was a different brand of existential horror than he'd been dealing with for some time. He doubted even a professional would be able to untangle what's been going on in his head now.
He finishes his food, at least.]
Nah, man, you're good. Even just talking helped. Listen, I gotta... [He checks his arm.] Go to the bathroom. I'll talk to you later, 'kay?
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[Flynn feels a little reluctant to end the conversation, especially knowing how quickly Peter tends to forget about things these days.
But he really doesn't want to go to the bathroom with him.]
Write it down so you'll remember to call.
1/2
Will do. [He holds up his pen and writes it on the back of his arm so Flynn can actually see him doing it. See? He's being good.]
I'll call, I promise. Later, man. Stay warm. [That's a fond smile, before he hangs up.]
2/2
Peter's still on video, he probably should remain on audio, but it helps him to focus. Not that he's having a particularly hard time with the tangents right now, all his thoughts, as stormy as they were, were being kept in line (mostly) by sheer emotion. Hard to drift off too far when you constantly felt sad.]
Flynn?
[He sounds...devastated, plain and simple. His voice cracks.]
It's Rocket. He's dead.
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For a moment Flynn is just dumbfounded at the turn of events. That can't be right? That's a new low – even for Norfinbury – that can't actually be happening?]
What? Why, what's, w-what happened?
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[Peter speaks slowly, deliberately, either from emotional exhaustion, or he's trying not to break down again.]
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Flynn hasn't talked to Rocket much but he had heard so many stories at this point, knew so much about their adventures and bond that it almost felt like he did. The grief on Peter's face is so all-encompassing that it takes Flynn a considerable amount of willpower not to just look away.]
I'm so sorry, Peter, I... I know how much he means to you.
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And for this to happen on the heels of him coming back from such a horrifying fate himself, and all the other things the town's dumped on him, it's just...too much.]
I wasn't there for him. [It's a broken sound to his voice, almost a sob, that he's trying very hard to suppress.] I should have been there and I wasn't.
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What is there even to say? Sometimes things are just too sad, too painful and there's nothing you can do about it.]
It's not your fault you couldn't be there, Peter.
I know... I know it doesn't feel like it. That's okay. But it's not.
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Damn it!
[It doesn't feel like it. He does feel like it's his fault.
There's a long pause until he comes back on. He sounds raw.]
...how can we keep doing this, Flynn? What is this place krutackin' doin' to us? Breakin' us into little pieces until there's nothin' left?! Is that what the Admin wants? Is that what this is? Some kind of sick experiment!? I still remember those thousand years, it's still in my head--not everything, but it's more than I should remember. And those other times that didn't actually happen--what's happening here!? How did I even come back to life!? I died, Flynn! What IS this place!?
[He hits something hard again, kicking wildly over and over again, until he collapses next to it, with a sob.]
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[Flynn's voice is quiet in the wake of Peter's outburst and pained in face of the helplessness of it all. He feels like he should have answers for his friend. Isn't that what he does? Figure things out, solve the puzzles?] I don't... I just don't understand it. I'm sorry. I wish I could...
[He exhales when his voice threatens to break, desperately searching for words of comfort. None are coming to him.]
But we... we have to. Keep doing this, we have to keep trying. Find a way home. We can't let this place win.
[Despite believing in them the words sound hollow to Flynn today, especially with Peter's sobs in the background.]
... Do you believe in destiny?
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We can't let this place win.
Flynn was right. He had to... he wipes his face with a sleeve. Had to fight this. Had to.]
Destiny?
[He's quiet. A sniff. The last time he thought about destiny, Ego was there and...yeah.]
I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.
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[He pauses when emotions and memories threaten to well up that he had locked away from the moment he sat foot into this frozen wasteland. It takes him a moment before he can continue.]
Before I got here I, uh, had a bit of a crisis. Everything seemed too much, I wanted to get away from the job, from the Library, from what I'm doing, but... in the end it just found me again. And it hurt? A lot, it was very... [He trails off and he clears his throat, trying to get the sudden rawness out of his voice.]
But it made me realize I can't just turn my back on who I am. [Even if it's painful. Even if it's lonely.] I don't believe in fate. But I believe in what I have to do. I know I want to go back and do it.
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