Good. Good, you do that. [That's one thing taken care of at least. But he's worried about how explicitly he has to tell Peter to do these things; Flynn makes a mental note to check in regularly and see to it that he keeps up the food and water intake.]
I did. It was different than what happened to you but I-- yeah, I did.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, Peter. What happened was bad enough, don't bring yourself down over it. I'm just glad you're back and safe. And so are Stephen and the others. You're okay now, that's all that matters.
...I really hope you don't have to do it ever again. [It's...kind of a joke, but not really. He's not really smiling when he says it. He feels terrible about it, maybe more than most people, considering how he'd lost every one of his parental figures.]
Yeah. Yeah, it's...fine, I'm fine, I just...
[How can he articulate it? The memories were not...the clearest, but he remembered the sound of Flynn's voice, and it just...hurt, thinking back on it. And then his own thoughts had deteriorated and--and his own mortality was the literal opposite of what he'd been worried about for some time here, and it was kind of more than a little horrifying to experience it for himself. Just that...finality. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do, that his body was shutting down, and there was no way out.
Dead.
Peter's completely lost in his thoughts, his focus gone, his brows furrow and he chews on his lip anxiously.]
[Flynn watches Peter a little apprehensively, waiting to see if he speaks again. Wow, Gabriel wasn't kidding. He can tell that his friend's thoughts are racing but noting seems to come of it, just wildly spinning with no focus.
[He probably should talk about it with someone, it probably might help, but he was feeling a little...scared of relieving those feelings, exactly. It was a different brand of existential horror than he'd been dealing with for some time. He doubted even a professional would be able to untangle what's been going on in his head now.
He finishes his food, at least.]
Nah, man, you're good. Even just talking helped. Listen, I gotta... [He checks his arm.] Go to the bathroom. I'll talk to you later, 'kay?
Peter's still on video, he probably should remain on audio, but it helps him to focus. Not that he's having a particularly hard time with the tangents right now, all his thoughts, as stormy as they were, were being kept in line (mostly) by sheer emotion. Hard to drift off too far when you constantly felt sad.]
Flynn?
[He sounds...devastated, plain and simple. His voice cracks.]
For a moment Flynn is just dumbfounded at the turn of events. That can't be right? That's a new low – even for Norfinbury – that can't actually be happening?]
[Oh no. This isn't right. Not only is it not fair, it's just not right. This place, all of this, it has to stop at some point.
Flynn hasn't talked to Rocket much but he had heard so many stories at this point, knew so much about their adventures and bond that it almost felt like he did. The grief on Peter's face is so all-encompassing that it takes Flynn a considerable amount of willpower not to just look away.]
I'm so sorry, Peter, I... I know how much he means to you.
[Peter's not very good at dealing with...this. And he's had too many losses, and they were all stacking up. He thought he'd held it together, and like what Bluestar said, he was the leader, he had to be strong for the group, to cheer them up, he had to pull a Captain Kirk but right now he didn't think he could even be strong for himself. Talking to Flynn's always helped, he'd been able to share things with him that he never thought he'd share with anybody.
And for this to happen on the heels of him coming back from such a horrifying fate himself, and all the other things the town's dumped on him, it's just...too much.]
I wasn't there for him. [It's a broken sound to his voice, almost a sob, that he's trying very hard to suppress.] I should have been there and I wasn't.
[Flynn freezes when Peter's pained admission resonates a little too strongly with him. He tries to keep his voice calm and comforting but it's wavering, moved by the situation and his friend's loss that he can understand a little too well. That heart-wrecking, gut-wrenching feeling of loss and regret, of having failed someone close to you.
What is there even to say? Sometimes things are just too sad, too painful and there's nothing you can do about it.]
It's not your fault you couldn't be there, Peter.
I know... I know it doesn't feel like it. That's okay. But it's not.
[He's quiet. Pinching the bridge of his nose, tears trickling down, as he shuts his eyes tight. It just...hurt. So bad. He breaths heavily, before kicking something loudly.]
Damn it!
[It doesn't feel like it. He does feel like it's his fault.
There's a long pause until he comes back on. He sounds raw.]
...how can we keep doing this, Flynn? What is this place krutackin' doin' to us? Breakin' us into little pieces until there's nothin' left?! Is that what the Admin wants? Is that what this is? Some kind of sick experiment!? I still remember those thousand years, it's still in my head--not everything, but it's more than I should remember. And those other times that didn't actually happen--what's happening here!? How did I even come back to life!? I died, Flynn! What IS this place!?
[He hits something hard again, kicking wildly over and over again, until he collapses next to it, with a sob.]
[Flynn's voice is quiet in the wake of Peter's outburst and pained in face of the helplessness of it all. He feels like he should have answers for his friend. Isn't that what he does? Figure things out, solve the puzzles?] I don't... I just don't understand it. I'm sorry. I wish I could...
[He exhales when his voice threatens to break, desperately searching for words of comfort. None are coming to him.]
But we... we have to. Keep doing this, we have to keep trying. Find a way home. We can't let this place win.
[Despite believing in them the words sound hollow to Flynn today, especially with Peter's sobs in the background.]
Yeah. Someone once told me that if you fight your destiny you will be miserable. That you have to embrace it and revel in it instead.
[He pauses when emotions and memories threaten to well up that he had locked away from the moment he sat foot into this frozen wasteland. It takes him a moment before he can continue.]
Before I got here I, uh, had a bit of a crisis. Everything seemed too much, I wanted to get away from the job, from the Library, from what I'm doing, but... in the end it just found me again. And it hurt? A lot, it was very... [He trails off and he clears his throat, trying to get the sudden rawness out of his voice.]
But it made me realize I can't just turn my back on who I am. [Even if it's painful. Even if it's lonely.] I don't believe in fate. But I believe in what I have to do. I know I want to go back and do it.
[Peter's quiet as he listens. He feels a pang when he remembers how dangerous that job is, what Flynn said...no. He couldn't think about...all that now. Not after Rocket.
But it does hit home.
Being a Guardian was...similar. None of it promised to be easy.]
Yeah.
I mean. I get it.
It just...sucks. This. Everything. All of it.
[A sigh.]
I won't give up. Rocket'll kick my ass if I do anything like that.
[The sound of him sniffling and taking a second to wipe his nose with his sleeve.]
...I dunno. [Because he might really start sobbing. It might help, though.]
...he would make fun of me for getting so worked up about him, though. But he'd secretly be pleased. [A half-barked, sad laugh.] He'd pretend to be all tough about it, like he always does.
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I did. It was different than what happened to you but I-- yeah, I did.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, Peter. What happened was bad enough, don't bring yourself down over it. I'm just glad you're back and safe. And so are Stephen and the others. You're okay now, that's all that matters.
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Yeah. Yeah, it's...fine, I'm fine, I just...
[How can he articulate it? The memories were not...the clearest, but he remembered the sound of Flynn's voice, and it just...hurt, thinking back on it. And then his own thoughts had deteriorated and--and his own mortality was the literal opposite of what he'd been worried about for some time here, and it was kind of more than a little horrifying to experience it for himself. Just that...finality. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do, that his body was shutting down, and there was no way out.
Dead.
Peter's completely lost in his thoughts, his focus gone, his brows furrow and he chews on his lip anxiously.]
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[Flynn watches Peter a little apprehensively, waiting to see if he speaks again. Wow, Gabriel wasn't kidding. He can tell that his friend's thoughts are racing but noting seems to come of it, just wildly spinning with no focus.
It's a little too familiar.]
Peter? Are you okay?
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Yeah! Yeah. I'm okay, I'm here.
Sorry, just...yeah, I'm okay. Sorry. Thinking. It's been a little rough lately. I don't recommend dying.
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[He can't really keep the concern from his voice at this point.]
Listen, is there anything I can do for you? Gabriel told me the others are coming to get you, that's good. But do you need anything?
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[He probably should talk about it with someone, it probably might help, but he was feeling a little...scared of relieving those feelings, exactly. It was a different brand of existential horror than he'd been dealing with for some time. He doubted even a professional would be able to untangle what's been going on in his head now.
He finishes his food, at least.]
Nah, man, you're good. Even just talking helped. Listen, I gotta... [He checks his arm.] Go to the bathroom. I'll talk to you later, 'kay?
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[Flynn feels a little reluctant to end the conversation, especially knowing how quickly Peter tends to forget about things these days.
But he really doesn't want to go to the bathroom with him.]
Write it down so you'll remember to call.
1/2
Will do. [He holds up his pen and writes it on the back of his arm so Flynn can actually see him doing it. See? He's being good.]
I'll call, I promise. Later, man. Stay warm. [That's a fond smile, before he hangs up.]
2/2
Peter's still on video, he probably should remain on audio, but it helps him to focus. Not that he's having a particularly hard time with the tangents right now, all his thoughts, as stormy as they were, were being kept in line (mostly) by sheer emotion. Hard to drift off too far when you constantly felt sad.]
Flynn?
[He sounds...devastated, plain and simple. His voice cracks.]
It's Rocket. He's dead.
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For a moment Flynn is just dumbfounded at the turn of events. That can't be right? That's a new low – even for Norfinbury – that can't actually be happening?]
What? Why, what's, w-what happened?
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[Peter speaks slowly, deliberately, either from emotional exhaustion, or he's trying not to break down again.]
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Flynn hasn't talked to Rocket much but he had heard so many stories at this point, knew so much about their adventures and bond that it almost felt like he did. The grief on Peter's face is so all-encompassing that it takes Flynn a considerable amount of willpower not to just look away.]
I'm so sorry, Peter, I... I know how much he means to you.
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And for this to happen on the heels of him coming back from such a horrifying fate himself, and all the other things the town's dumped on him, it's just...too much.]
I wasn't there for him. [It's a broken sound to his voice, almost a sob, that he's trying very hard to suppress.] I should have been there and I wasn't.
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What is there even to say? Sometimes things are just too sad, too painful and there's nothing you can do about it.]
It's not your fault you couldn't be there, Peter.
I know... I know it doesn't feel like it. That's okay. But it's not.
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Damn it!
[It doesn't feel like it. He does feel like it's his fault.
There's a long pause until he comes back on. He sounds raw.]
...how can we keep doing this, Flynn? What is this place krutackin' doin' to us? Breakin' us into little pieces until there's nothin' left?! Is that what the Admin wants? Is that what this is? Some kind of sick experiment!? I still remember those thousand years, it's still in my head--not everything, but it's more than I should remember. And those other times that didn't actually happen--what's happening here!? How did I even come back to life!? I died, Flynn! What IS this place!?
[He hits something hard again, kicking wildly over and over again, until he collapses next to it, with a sob.]
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[Flynn's voice is quiet in the wake of Peter's outburst and pained in face of the helplessness of it all. He feels like he should have answers for his friend. Isn't that what he does? Figure things out, solve the puzzles?] I don't... I just don't understand it. I'm sorry. I wish I could...
[He exhales when his voice threatens to break, desperately searching for words of comfort. None are coming to him.]
But we... we have to. Keep doing this, we have to keep trying. Find a way home. We can't let this place win.
[Despite believing in them the words sound hollow to Flynn today, especially with Peter's sobs in the background.]
... Do you believe in destiny?
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We can't let this place win.
Flynn was right. He had to... he wipes his face with a sleeve. Had to fight this. Had to.]
Destiny?
[He's quiet. A sniff. The last time he thought about destiny, Ego was there and...yeah.]
I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.
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[He pauses when emotions and memories threaten to well up that he had locked away from the moment he sat foot into this frozen wasteland. It takes him a moment before he can continue.]
Before I got here I, uh, had a bit of a crisis. Everything seemed too much, I wanted to get away from the job, from the Library, from what I'm doing, but... in the end it just found me again. And it hurt? A lot, it was very... [He trails off and he clears his throat, trying to get the sudden rawness out of his voice.]
But it made me realize I can't just turn my back on who I am. [Even if it's painful. Even if it's lonely.] I don't believe in fate. But I believe in what I have to do. I know I want to go back and do it.
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But it does hit home.
Being a Guardian was...similar. None of it promised to be easy.]
Yeah.
I mean. I get it.
It just...sucks. This. Everything. All of it.
[A sigh.]
I won't give up. Rocket'll kick my ass if I do anything like that.
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[Or be better at this whole comfort thing.]
... They may be breaking us but I think there will always be something left. I don't think they can take that away from us.
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[It's okay, he doesn't need comfort. Just Flynn being there for him, listening, was enough.
Now how to tell him that without sounding wimpy...]
No. They can't...we can't let them.
We won't let them.
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No, we won't.
... Do you want to talk about it? Tell me about him or... [Or about dying?]
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...I dunno. [Because he might really start sobbing. It might help, though.]
...he would make fun of me for getting so worked up about him, though. But he'd secretly be pleased. [A half-barked, sad laugh.] He'd pretend to be all tough about it, like he always does.
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That's how you guys do things, huh? The whole... making fun, pretending not to care routine?
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[That sad laugh again.]
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