Flynn looks like crap. It's not a good day when Bucky is the more put-together looking of any gathering, and the sight of the other man makes Bucky's usual stoic expression furrow into a full on frown.
But he does step inside relatively quickly, shutting the door behind him.]
[He's observant enough to catch the way Flynn relaxes when the door is shut, and it doesn't take a genius to make the connection to the snow. Not for someone else from Norfinbury, anyway.]
[He should probably tell Flynn that he can't hide inside all winter, but that seems kind of hypocritical considering that he never listens to the people who tell him where to go and what to do.
As long as the man isn't having some prolonged episode of not knowing where he is, then he's free to hibernate inside as far as Bucky is concerned.]
[And suddenly the reason he looks so bad becomes clear. Just the snow wasn't a good enough reason, not with him having a clearly defined way to hide from it, but losing a friend--
Bucky's scowl gets a bit deeper, and then he just turns on his heel and leaves the house.
He'll be gone for about half an hour, before there's a thudding on the door again, this time as if someone is kicking it instead of knocking. Which is exactly what's happening because Bucky's only hand is occupied right now.]
[Luckily for giving away food at short notice, Bucky is a pretty prolific hunter and so he has plenty of supplies to spare. He has three rabbits, one pheasant, several cuts of deer meat, and a bag of vegetables precariously balanced and tied to his one arm.]
Yeah.
[Of course it's him, who else would it be? Clearly he was going to fetch food, right?]
I can't open the door, so are you gonna let me in?
[Well-- he could open the door, but it would involve a boot and the door no longer being attached to its hinges, which probably wouldn't go down well.]
[There's a pause there and for a moment, everything isn't quite as cold. Flynn smiles, rubbing the back of his neck, then shuffles past him to lead the way to the kitchen.]
Uh. Sure. Sure, that would be, that would be great?
[What has he been up to? Tearing himself apart about Renart, worrying over a potentially stupid wish he made, generally trying to find better hiding places to help him feel at least a little secure here...]
Nothing much.
[Honest. He takes a sip of his coffee and that tiny smile gets a bit bigger.]
I missed coffee in Norfinbury. Didn't miss a whole lot, but I sure missed coffee.
[Flynn's smile brightens in return when he's starting to relax a little more.]
I made myself so sick in my first week here? I just kept eating and drinking everything I could get my hands on. It's a wonder my metabolism didn't just kill me on the spot.
I've done that before, took about a month before I dared try pie again after how sick I got when I first had it.
[He doesn't mean here. He means after escaping being the Soldier and having the freedom to try things that weren't just nutritionally complete and safe to be in his system during cryogenic freezing.]
But, you know? I kinda think the pie was worth being sick.
[Bucky sits on the couch, though he doesn't relax back into the cushions. Even at his most relaxed, he never really lets go of the tension in his body, always ready for the fight that might be coming.]
I haven't taken anything from that. It belongs to Holmes, right? I don't want to run into him.
[He has literally never met anyone except John who has a good reaction to Holmes, it solidifies avoiding him as an excellent life decision.]
...you never bothered to find out who owned the tree you were taking food from? Did you always have bad self preservation, or did that just start recently?
We knew who owned those, or as close as matters, it was the Admin. And food was in shorter supply, you took what you could wherever it came from. You should be more careful in a place where anyone can wish for pretty much anything.
That's not the point. People might not wish for something to harm you, but you never know who might get offended you're taking something they wished for, or who might notice where you're getting your food and use that to get at you.
[He just understands being careful, it's not paranoia. It makes him itch under his skin to imagine being so carefree as to not pay close attention to every little detail like that. He even hunts for his food in different parts of the Meadous at random to throw off anyone who might be watching, instincts that'll probably never die.]
[That pulls him up short, mostly because he's not sure what exactly Flynn means when he says he doesn't care. Is it just that he isn't that worried about it, or is it that he's sunk deep enough that he doesn't care if someone does hurt him?]
Because it doesn't... matter? It doesn't change anything. About me, about this place.
[He sighs but it's more disillusioned than heartbroken.]
Look, I'm not looking for a fight and I don't wanna die, I really don't, but... if someone wants to come after me, I'll just have to deal with that when it happens. I can't worry about all the bad things that might happen when I'm so busy with the ones that actually do.
[That's probably a healthy way of looking at things, and a small part of him can appreciate that. But it's so alien to him to not always be preparing... what must it be like to look at the things that could go wrong and choose not to worry about them?
He weighs up what he wants his answer to be, how much he trusts Flynn to reveal the more vulnerable bits of himself or if he should just change the subject. Eventually, the reply is only one very softly spoken word.]
With my brain. With my skills, with my experience. Librarians fight with their heads. ... Well, and sometimes their fists or stakes when you happen to come across vampires, but, you know, generally speaking, in the grand scheme of things...
Thing is, I've been in a lot of tight spots over the years and so far, it always worked out. And if not...
[His voice trails off for a moment and he sips his coffee thoughtfully.]
When the Librarian dies, another takes over. Most don't last longer than a year or two, so every mission really could be my last. I already made it three years before I got to Norfinbury so I guess I got that going for me?
[He glances over.]
Don't you trust yourself? To be able to handle yourself in a crisis?
Bucky has technically lived over a hundred years now, even if he only has about four years of solid memories and then a whole lot of badness before it, and three years is a terrifyingly short amount of time. He frowns, concerned about the idea of someone he's coming to care about going back to a job that's likely to kill them.
But then Flynn turns it around on him, and the frown is smoothed away into a small but visible expression of surprise.]
No.
[It's a sad truth he's accustomed to by now.]
I know that I can't trust myself. Maybe if I knew it was just me at risk, but it's not.
[Flynn thinks about that for a moment. He gets scared a lot, he screws up sometimes, he might not be the strongest or a very good fighter... but at least he has that? That trust, that conviction that he'll be able to act, to handle himself.]
Is that why you're trying to plan for all eventualities? Why you think everything could be dangerous?
[He hesitates a moment, never good at opening up about things in his past, but Flynn has earned these small bits of trust.]
When I was the Soldier they implanted me with things, control words, trigger phrases, that sort of thing. I don't know what all of them are, I don't know what could set me off, so I have to be careful.
[He's known about the Soldier, of course, he has very vivid memories of that dram interaction... but he can't imagine what that must be like, being so afraid all the time.]
I had my head messed with by Norfinbury once. ... I mean, probably everybody did at some point, I know, but... I remember that, thinking it might come back and trying to keep a distance from people.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Flynn looks like crap. It's not a good day when Bucky is the more put-together looking of any gathering, and the sight of the other man makes Bucky's usual stoic expression furrow into a full on frown.
But he does step inside relatively quickly, shutting the door behind him.]
You look like hell.
[Hi to you too.]
no subject
Thanks.
[It's dry, on the verge of sardonic but there's no real aggression behind it.]
Coffee?
no subject
No.
[He's not here for coffee, pal.]
You know it's not Norfinbury out there.
no subject
[It's what Peter has been telling him. It's what he has been telling himself.
It doesn't help.]
Still not terribly eager to build a snowman.
no subject
As long as the man isn't having some prolonged episode of not knowing where he is, then he's free to hibernate inside as far as Bucky is concerned.]
Sure.
[Makes sense.]
How're you getting food?
no subject
[He suddenly falters, a shadow crossing his face.]
Peter would bring me food.
no subject
Bucky's scowl gets a bit deeper, and then he just turns on his heel and leaves the house.
He'll be gone for about half an hour, before there's a thudding on the door again, this time as if someone is kicking it instead of knocking. Which is exactly what's happening because Bucky's only hand is occupied right now.]
no subject
[Flynn trails off when Bucky goes and... does that and frowns, too.]
Well. Clearly you agree.
[Alright? Back to hermiting it is.
At least for half an hour when the unmistakable kicking-knocking interrupts him again. What? What is going on with this day? This is stressful?!]
Who is it? Bucky? Is that you?
no subject
Yeah.
[Of course it's him, who else would it be? Clearly he was going to fetch food, right?]
I can't open the door, so are you gonna let me in?
[Well-- he could open the door, but it would involve a boot and the door no longer being attached to its hinges, which probably wouldn't go down well.]
no subject
[Please have mercy on his poor door and his strongly linked peace of mind, he appreciates it.
Flynn moves over to the door again and opens it, blinking at all the...]
Oh.
[He stares, partly baffled, partly touched when he realizes what's happening here.]
... Thank you.
no subject
He just shrugs the thanks off a bit awkwardly, moving on after a moment of hesitation.]
I can bring more if you tell me how often you need it.
no subject
Uh. Sure. Sure, that would be, that would be great?
no subject
Didn't know what you liked, so you've just got what I already had. It's a couple of days old, but it's been packed in the ice.
[He follows to the kitchen, and will dump his burdens on the nearest counter available.]
no subject
[In fact he's eyeing the food with a bit of a greedy look in his eyes.]
... You want some coffee now? Maybe... stay around for dinner?
no subject
Figure you owe me dinner, since you've got all my food now.
no subject
[He'll start with the coffee, pouring two cups and handing one over before taking out some pots and pans.]
So what have you been up to lately? Haven't seen you around in a while.
[Not that he has seen... anyone around in a while safe for his network interactions.]
no subject
Nothing much.
[Honest. He takes a sip of his coffee and that tiny smile gets a bit bigger.]
I missed coffee in Norfinbury. Didn't miss a whole lot, but I sure missed coffee.
no subject
[Flynn's smile brightens in return when he's starting to relax a little more.]
I made myself so sick in my first week here? I just kept eating and drinking everything I could get my hands on. It's a wonder my metabolism didn't just kill me on the spot.
no subject
[He doesn't mean here. He means after escaping being the Soldier and having the freedom to try things that weren't just nutritionally complete and safe to be in his system during cryogenic freezing.]
But, you know? I kinda think the pie was worth being sick.
no subject
[He makes an inviting gesture for the couch. It's nice and cozy here, close to the fire.]
Don't even get me started on the take out tree.
no subject
I haven't taken anything from that. It belongs to Holmes, right? I don't want to run into him.
no subject
[He didn't know that. He wishes he didn't know that.]
Maybe it's time to eat more healthy.
no subject
...you never bothered to find out who owned the tree you were taking food from? Did you always have bad self preservation, or did that just start recently?
no subject
I thought it was just part of the Meadous? Isn't everyone eating from that? It's not like I bothered who owned the Norfinbury vending machines either.
no subject
[Seriously, Flynn.]
no subject
[He shrugs, a little listlessly, sipping on his coffee.]
In a place where anyone can wish for pretty much anything they don't need a tree to harm you.
no subject
[He just understands being careful, it's not paranoia. It makes him itch under his skin to imagine being so carefree as to not pay close attention to every little detail like that. He even hunts for his food in different parts of the Meadous at random to throw off anyone who might be watching, instincts that'll probably never die.]
no subject
But I don't care.
[It's strange, he realizes that really doesn't. He rubs his disheveled head, glancing over into the flames.]
I just, I really don't, Bucky?
no subject
Why not?
no subject
[He sighs but it's more disillusioned than heartbroken.]
Look, I'm not looking for a fight and I don't wanna die, I really don't, but... if someone wants to come after me, I'll just have to deal with that when it happens. I can't worry about all the bad things that might happen when I'm so busy with the ones that actually do.
no subject
He weighs up what he wants his answer to be, how much he trusts Flynn to reveal the more vulnerable bits of himself or if he should just change the subject. Eventually, the reply is only one very softly spoken word.]
How?
no subject
Thing is, I've been in a lot of tight spots over the years and so far, it always worked out. And if not...
[His voice trails off for a moment and he sips his coffee thoughtfully.]
When the Librarian dies, another takes over. Most don't last longer than a year or two, so every mission really could be my last. I already made it three years before I got to Norfinbury so I guess I got that going for me?
[He glances over.]
Don't you trust yourself? To be able to handle yourself in a crisis?
no subject
Bucky has technically lived over a hundred years now, even if he only has about four years of solid memories and then a whole lot of badness before it, and three years is a terrifyingly short amount of time. He frowns, concerned about the idea of someone he's coming to care about going back to a job that's likely to kill them.
But then Flynn turns it around on him, and the frown is smoothed away into a small but visible expression of surprise.]
No.
[It's a sad truth he's accustomed to by now.]
I know that I can't trust myself. Maybe if I knew it was just me at risk, but it's not.
no subject
[Flynn thinks about that for a moment. He gets scared a lot, he screws up sometimes, he might not be the strongest or a very good fighter... but at least he has that? That trust, that conviction that he'll be able to act, to handle himself.]
Is that why you're trying to plan for all eventualities? Why you think everything could be dangerous?
no subject
[He hesitates a moment, never good at opening up about things in his past, but Flynn has earned these small bits of trust.]
When I was the Soldier they implanted me with things, control words, trigger phrases, that sort of thing. I don't know what all of them are, I don't know what could set me off, so I have to be careful.
no subject
[He's known about the Soldier, of course, he has very vivid memories of that dram interaction... but he can't imagine what that must be like, being so afraid all the time.]
I had my head messed with by Norfinbury once. ... I mean, probably everybody did at some point, I know, but... I remember that, thinking it might come back and trying to keep a distance from people.