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[PSL] And the Time of Times (for a bunch of people really)
[After going backwards for such a long time Flynn is surprised when the artifact sends him into his own future. And not only that; according to the place it's going to be the future of the Library, too. He sure would love to know why but the Periapt of the Horae doesn't give that kind of explanation. It helps him track Nicole through time and space but it doesn't provide answers; it allows him to make the jumps between the years (or decades, or centuries) but won't let him choose where or when to go next. The artifact gives him one time and place at a time and he has to take it.
He is... 93% sure that once he finds Nicole and the tracking is done, it will allow both of them to jump back to the initial spot where he began his search. Maybe 87% sure. But he'll get to that when the moment arrives.
In the current "now", there's a whooshing sound and then Flynn finds himself in a room that he is, surprisingly enough, completely unfamiliar with. He stumbles through something that looks like a door, but it's connected to a globe and some strange wiring. This isn't the Library, at least not its regular entrance. It looks more like a study, with several desks and stairs leading up to a row of bookshelves.
Walking around he turns in astonished circles. He immediately realizes that he likes it; this is a place he would love to work at and he makes a mental note that once he goes back with Nicole to set up a study like this for himself. Really, that would be so much more convenient than sprawling his notes all over the tables in the main entrance hall and have Charlene berate him over the mess all the time...
There doesn't seem to be anyone here and he explores the room, wondering about the current Librarian. On one desk he spots some books he immediately finds interesting but, curiously enough, there is another table with lots of weird gadgets and experimental setups which makes him think that his successor might be more scientifically inclined than Flynn.
Eventually he moves up the stairs to poke around some more on the balustrade above.]
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The question is, how much does he dare tell him? It's not a matter of wanting to tell him; it's just a matter of how to tell the truth in a way that doesn't completely destroy him? There probably is no way of doing that. He imagines how it might have been if Charlene and Judson told him; they'd have no choice but to be direct, because how does anyone cushion something like that?
He lets his younger self go on talking for awhile, as he tries to piece together the words he needs. Luckily for him, the younger Flynn asks a question which just buys him some time. ]
I know about the situation. [ He clears his throat a few times, as if that'll help dislodge the storm of emotions he's learned to associate with that particular incident. ] How long have you been jumping around through time?
[ As to his question about the place they're in, Flynn takes a long, fond look around. ]
This is what we call the Annex. It's- I don't have the explanation down as well as... Well. It's part of the Library, but it doesn't have access to all the artifacts in it, only the books.
[ This is a nice safe topic, but he knows they won't stay on it for very long. They have just too much natural curiosity to not go digging around for answers. ]
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[His eyes settle on Flynn's desk.] I always wanted a work space like that. ... Which I guess is the reason why the work space looks exactly like a work space I would like.
[He glances over to his other self, beckoning at his person with one hand.] Really dig the outfit, too, by the way? It's so sharp! [Honestly, future him is has got some serious style as far as Flynn is concerned. When did he learn to present himself like that? It makes him feel a little underdressed and shabby in comparison with his plain white shirt and cordo pants.
But all admiration aside, they can't avoid the elephant in the room forever. After all, Flynn wants to get somewhere here, seeks answers and if that means he has to make it through this difficult talk, then that's what he's going to do. I know about the situation. Well, at least that makes things easier.]
I've been searching for a while. [Avoiding a question? Him? Never.] The Periapt seems to keep me from aging which is convenient? And once I find Nicole it should bring us back to the exact moment where I started.
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It is, isn't it? [ He can't help the fond tone as he agrees with his past self's assessment. ] As for the desk, it rearranges itself if anyone but me moves things around. [ He finds himself wanting to talk about Eve and how that drives her crazy, but- he can't give away too much here. ]
Thanks. I guess it's a little weird to be complimented by myself, but you know what, I'll take it. [ He grins a little in spite of himself. ] You'll get there soon enough. And I always did like that look, back then. [ It suits them, even if it's not really the sharpest of fashion choices. ]
Does it, though? I didn't know it could do that. I mean, I didn't research it that thoroughly. [ A lie. He totally did. Some of the details got pushed to the back of his mind, though. ]
Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. You say you want to find Nicole? [ He can't withhold everything from himself, after all. There's just a fine line between telling things and going into extreme detail. ] There's some important things you'd need to know, but I don't know if I should be telling you them.
[ Jenkins would probably tell him in no uncertain terms that he should not, under any circumstances, tell his past self anything. And he bets half of that is from a dislike of Nicole and her choices. ]
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[It's not a question and he searches the older man's face keenly for any kind of clue his expression might give away. He might be younger, less experienced but that doesn't mean he isn't quick on the uptake. Also, he has been searching for... some time now and that comes with its very own set of skills. There's also a sudden gleam of hope in his eyes because it's been so long since he had such a chance for a viable clue, right here, right in front of him.]
Uh, if there's anything you can tell me that will help me find her then yes, yes, you should absolutely tell me? [The idea that he himself might hesitate to help him progress is... irritating and confusing to say the least. Maybe they are different after all, their roads having diverged so considerably.
He squints dubiously at his older self. He can tell there's a reason the other is not outright telling him, and it might even be a good one. But that doesn't mean he's going to take it.]
You... do realize I'm not leaving here until I found out what I need to know, right?
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Yes. Yes, I know something. But- [ He lets out a heavy sigh. ] Once I tell you, there's really no going back. No looking at this place the same way again.
[ He can't quite decide what would have been better: to be able to hold onto that one piece of innocence a little bit longer or to have been told the truth from the start. Either way, it's devastating, but it's also an impossible choice, and he really doesn't want to ruin his younger self so early on in his career with the Library. ]
Of course I realize that. We're the same person. And since we're the same person, I know how stubborn we both can be. But you can still go on searching this place for clues without my help.
[ He knows that won't be enough. But he can't just ruin his life possibly permanently without at least trying to talk him out of it. ]
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No going back? [He spreads his arms wide, a little angry, even though that anger clearly isn't directed at his other self.] There's already no going back because I am not going back without her.
[There's something steely in his voice, something a little more grown-up and serious, betraying the depths of emotions underneath before it his tone shifts back to its usual hectic, babbly self, desperately trying to stay on top of things by the quantity of the words he pours out.]
If you don't wanna help, fine. I don't need you? I'm perfectly fine on my own, thank you. [It's a mild, early onset of doing things by himself (alone, always alone) but it's there, even when it's disguised by layers of excitable agitation and exaggerated gestures.] You want me to search this place? Oh, I'll search this place. In fact, I'm gonna turn it upside down!
[He finger-guns at himself which, okay, feels a bit weird but his point still stands!]
I'll search your desk. Huh? How about that? Let's start with that. [He starts walking backwards, past the shelves from which he might or might not snatch the occasional book just because, then down the stairs, all the while somehow miraculously not breaking his neck in the process.]
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[ It's too soon for him to know what he feels or thinks about the Library, Judson, or Charlene. He's still processing all the developments about Nicole and how she's been held beneath the Library without his knowing about it.
As he watches his younger self, he feels something like a stab of regret. Clearly he's already on his way to becoming who he is today: aloof, avoidant, closed off. Every step he's taken to get to this point has been necessary, though. The mask he wears is because of self-preservation. It feels very much like a paradox that he himself can claim some responsibility for the shifts in who he is.
The finger-gun earns him an eye roll. Please. How ridiculous can you get? He knows he's done some ridiculous things in his own time, but finger-gunning himself? That takes the cake. ]
It's a big place. I don't think you could turn it upside down on your own. [ He comments as he follows him past the shelves, and down the stairs. ]
Go ahead. Search my desk. You won't find anything there.
[ Nothing that pertains to Nicole's whereabouts, at least. About artifacts and cases, yes. About her? Not quite. ]
Oh, and there's the part about how you won't find her here. [ Not in the Library, at least. He might find the place where she was, but that's not the same as finding her. ]
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[Part of him knows he's not being very professional, but he can't help it. There's something insanely frustrating about being close to Nicole like never before and, at the same time, so far away. Because Flynn can instantly tell his older self is telling the truth; Nicole isn't here.
You won't find her here.
After fighting gladiators in Rome, after running from very angry Spartans, after pick-pocketing Columbus, after debating draconian dogmatism with Galileo, after Jamestown, and Victorian London and Tsarist Russia and the Great War, after a history book of more stops Flynn knows it would have been too easy but the realization that he missed her again is like a stab to his heart. Because there is more, he can tell: that she somehow, in some way, had been here but wasn't anymore. It's all over his older self's face, whether he realizes it or not.
Flynn exhales, more audibly than he'd like to, looking away in frustration and pain and loneliness, a loneliness that seems wrong and misplaced and that he should not know, not yet; but for an instant it's there, easy to read on his face.]
So what? What's the difference? I'll find out eventually, it's just gonna take me longer?
[There is also something insanely frustrating about meeting someone who is clearly so much ahead of you in every possible way. His eyes shift over to the desk, back to his older self and as he proceeds walking backwards he bumps into the table with the weird experiments. Flynn grunts, pulling a face because ugh, that hurt both his back and his pride, but he shoves himself sideways and past the object as if nothing happened, backing off.]
I just... I need to find her. Don't you see that? You of all people, don't you see that?
[A beat.]
Please.
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In this timeline- In my timeline, you can't fix it. You probably can't even fix it in yours. [ No, the most he can do is find her, but who knows what damage has already been done? The passage of time might well work differently.
By now, she could already be hundreds of years old. There's no way for him to know that. It eats at him, the thought of Nicole being sent back in time and trying desperately to claw her way back to her own time. She would; he knows she would. She wouldn't just give up, just like his younger self. He'd never give up on Nicole.
And there's a thought. Maybe in one of the alternate timelines out there, he'll actually find her, and his own sad and lonely timeline will be just a little less sad and lonely. It's brief and easily missed, but a glimmer of hope flashes in Flynn's eyes. It's a long shot, but his past self might actually succeed with this. Of course, doing so involves breaking all the rules about time travel and paradoxes and things like that, but does any of that really matter? ]
500 years.
[ Okay, that's like jumping into the middle of the story. He clears his throat and tries again. ]
You were right in thinking she didn't die. She got pulled in and went back 500 years.
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[He echoes and his voice is as incredulous as it is grateful and surprised. Of course he had been convinced that he was right but to hear it from someone else – himself even! – is wonderful and exhilarating.]
But then I'm in the wrong place! I need to go back, I need to... [Wait, that doesn't make sense. None of it makes sense. How could she have gotten pulled back half a millennium and still have been here, in his older self's timeline? Because she was here, he can read if off the other's... everything, as clearly as he could pinpoint Charlene's three cats and her broken nose, it's just there.]
You didn't know.
[It's cogwheels turning in his head, it's him talking out loud to himself – doubly so today, he supposes.]
You didn't know she was out there. [Now it's his turn to circle his older self as he tries to keep the rapid thoughts in check.]
You saw her here, at the Library, I know you did? But there's no way she could possibly be here unless... [His eyes widen with a sudden realization.] Unless she stole an artifact.
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When his younger self reaches that conclusion, some of the darkness creeps back into his expression unbidden. ]
No, I didn't know. I- I wish I had, more than anything. I wish someone would have told me.
[ It hurts on several different levels that so much information was withheld from him. He trusted Judson and Charlene implicitly, and Jenkins was a reliable source most of the time. But none of them thought they could trust him with the truth. Or maybe that wasn't it at all, but he doesn't know the whys and hows behind it, and it's not like he can just ask Judson and Charlene. ]
I saw her. We needed her help, and- Jenkins, who works here in the Annex, decided the only person who could help was Nicole.
[ And there it is: that uncanny perception. It's strange to be on the receiving end of it. Usually he's the one doing the perceiving, so this is all a little bit jarring. ]
Yeah, she used an artifact. An immortality artifact.
[ And he's just going to fall silent and let all the implications of that wash over his past self. ]
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But not having that option, having to simply go on because he thought Nicole was lost forever?]
I'm sorry. [There's really not much more to say. Whatever form of understanding or sympathy he means to express, he's sure his older self will pick up on it or already know.
But he saw her. She wasn't just here, his older self saw her. His heartbeat picks up immediately at the news.]
An immortality artifact. [Stuck in time, not unlike himself. Stuck in time for 500 years, wandering the Earth. He feels a sudden longing when he imagines Nicole out there all alone, wanting to draw her into his arms, wanting to make it okay and if not okay then at least better.]
Well, that makes sense. [He pushes his hand through his hair, pacing.] I mean, she wouldn't just sit around doing nothing? And it would explain all the jumping, too, the Periapt probably got confused because it detected her at so many moments in time...
[Which also means he could have found her at – okay, maybe not in the Roman period but any of the stops in time that had taken place in the last 500 years. That's another stab to the heart that makes him deflate a little.
But not for long.]
Where is this Jenkins? Does he know how to contact her? I need to talk to him!
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When the commiserating apology comes, he just shakes his head. There's no need to say anything. He knows what's contained in that simple two-word statement, and he's certain his younger self knows that he appreciates the sentiment. ]
She certainly wasn't sitting around doing nothing, no. [ That goes without saying. But in fact, she was doing the exact opposite of nothing. She was being a Guardian. He watches him pacing back and forth with the smallest of smiles. He misses having that kind of restless energy. He still has it, just in a smaller quantity. ]
The thing about Jenkins is that he and Nicole don't quite see eye to eye.
[ They might possibly understand each other a tiny bit better now, but personally, he doubts that either of the two will ever be able to look past the perceived offenses against them. ]
He might not be the best person to ask about how to reach her.
[ The truth is, none of them really are. If Nicole doesn't want to be reached, then she won't be. ]
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What do you mean? You just told me you consulted her for help. That it was his idea.
[Now that he thinks about it, none of this makes any sense.]
So who is the best person to ask?
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[ The sigh he lets out is long and deep. How is it possible for one conversation to be great and terrible all wrapped up in one confusing package? ]
Jenkins found Nicole. I don't know exactly how he did it, but he brought here here, and- Locked her up.
I know you're going to ask why in the world anyone would ever lock her up, but he thought she was working against the Library.
[ He'll get to the question of who the best person to ask is after the storm he thinks is coming has blown over. ]
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[He speaks the words slowly, as if that makes them make sense somehow. It doesn't.
Nicole working against the Library? That may just be the most ridiculous thing he has heard on all of his jumps combined. And they were plentiful.]
What's going on?
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[ But he supposes he can't blame him any more than he blames himself. ]
Beneath the Library, there's a- well, there's a dungeon. I never knew it was there, never knew where the entrance was, but Jenkins knew.
All he saw was a Guardian stealing artifacts and trying to bring down the Library. Now, I don't believe that for a second. I- We know Nicole, and she would never do something like that.
But Jenkins... He's the caretaker; it's his job to, well, take care of things. And he did.
[ And Flynn's throat has started to constrict, because talking about this is horrible and he just feels so guilty and full of regret. ]
Nicole was in that dungeon for a long time before Jenkins told us about her.
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[Despite being stuck in time this Flynn is still young – very young, technically only three months into being the Librarian (technically still on his trial period) – which means there is no armor, no burying of emotions, no shielding, no filter. Everything is right there, at the surface and immediate, an instant reaction to the horrible things he's hearing.]
Nicole Noone bringing down the Library? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that... Secret dungeon, why is there even a secret dungeon in the Library? It's not a jail! [He's pacing, gesturing, hands flying everywhere.] Did she even get a trial? How can you imprison someone without a trial? That is illegal and horrible and who is this guy anyway, since when does the Library even have a caretaker! And that's not taking care of things! [Is he stomping his foot there? Yes, yes he is.] That is like the opposite of taking care of things! Where's Judson? Where's Nicole?
[His hands close into fists that he angrily strikes up and down against his sides looking like the world's most agitated jumping-jack.]
Why are you so calm!
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He holds out a hand in a placating gesture. ]
I didn't buy any of it. How could I? I know Nicole as well as you do, for obvious reasons. And as for the secret dungeon, I really have no idea how or when that was put there. Or even who put that there.
[ Skating right past the question about a trial, because he's willing to bet there wasn't one. ]
Nicole left. I know why she did, of course, because after being held in a dungeon for so long, why would she stick around?
[ He sighs. ]
I've had longer to think about this than you have.
[ And that earns him an apologetic look. He also won't be answering the question about Judson unless pressed. Or pressed against the nearest wall. Same thing. It all boils down to the fact that he won't talk about it unless his younger self corners him. Preferably not literally. ]
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Oh, she left? Oh, that's, okay? Like, what, she got sick of being imprisoned or what are you trying to, to, are you even listening to yourself?
[He's gesturing back and forth between them with a look of confused incredulity.] What is wrong with you? What is this? Does that usually work for you, because it's not working for me?!
[And you just bet he's registering exactly which questions the other is skirting around here.]
If you had longer to think about this you should be even angrier! Left to where? How can you possibly not know? Where is Judson?
[Is he asking again because he can absolutely tell there is something in the other's face and his not answering the question? Maybe.]
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[ He breaks himself off there, because he can't finish that sentence. It would be a complete lie too. This is his fault, going back to how he handled HG Wells' time machine. Nicole being lost is his fault, as is all of the fallout that came from that.
But what Jenkins did is not his fault nor his responsibility, and he really, really doesn't like the way his younger self is talking to him right now. ]
I am listening to myself! I didn't put Nicole in that cell. Don't you think if I knew she was there, I'd have gone down there and gotten her out?
Usually I don't talk to myself! And if I do, I don't yell back. Or at myself.
[ He sputters angrily and throws his hands up in the air, because he's not making any sense.
There's a reason why everyone always warns about time travel, and that reason is standing right in front of him. ]
She just left! Do I wish she'd stayed? Of course. But-
[ It's Nicole's choice. He has no right to dictate what she does. He doesn't blame her for leaving. Sentences swarm around his mind, but none of them seem like the right thing to say, or the right thing to sum up his feelings. ]
It wasn't up to me.
[ And now his face is just going to fall a little, because talking about Judson is still not easy for him. ]
Judson is- [ His voice fails him again, but he clears his throat and continues, looking anywhere but at his younger self. This admission will probably get him yelled at again, but he can't hold back the truth, not from himself. ] Judson's gone.
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[All of this is taking place in rapid real time. The moment his older self utters half a sentence, an explanation, Flynn is already in there, interjecting, talking with him, over him, whatever you want to call it. This entire conversation is a mess.]
You are not explaining anything! You have not explained how she got from being in the cell to not being in the cell to making a very informed decision to leave! That is a considerable omission in the general state of things!
[But at least Flynn can tell that his older self is telling the truth; he didn't want this. Any of this. And why would he? They are still the same person.
And there's more, Flynn can sense the hurt and outrage under the strange mask and stoic--
Okay, well, there goes the stoic as his future self's hands go flying and it's actually... nice to see the emotions break through. It makes the other appear less like a weird pod person version of himself.]
So what are you doing about it now? Where is she? How do I find her?
[But when the back and forth and finishing each other's sentences gets to Judson he freezes. It's like the fight suddenly goes out of him and he stares, incredulity, more anger and... a sudden fear mixing together.]
Gone? What do you-- what do you mean, gone?
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[ In other words, this is so many different levels of weird. ]
Fine, you want me to explain? I'll explain. [ Sort of. ] Jenkins tracked her down, I don't even know how he did that, discovered what she was doing, really disapproved of it, and put her in that cell. Then there was a situation involving the Order of the Shadows. They wanted to destroy the Library by using the Cornerstones of the Library of Alexandria.
Nicole hid them a hundred years ago, and we needed her help to find them before the Order got ahold of all of them. It worked; we found them all in time, and the Order's plan failed.
[ And some other stuff happened, followed by more stuff, and then Nicole left. Which of course he knows won't be an acceptable answer. ]
And then there was another situation that got really complicated and Eve left to find Nicole- Wait. You don't know who Eve is. She's my new Guardian. She's really good at her job.
[ In case he has any doubts about that. ]
Anyway, Eve went to find Nicole, some things got sorted out, and Nicole made the decision to leave.
[ Noooot admitting the part about how Nicole almost was lost again, and what happened to fix that particular problem. ]
She wanted to live a life on her terms. I honestly don't know what she's going to choose to do, but if she wants to contact me, she will. I don't know where she went.
[ Sorry, past-self, he can't be more helpful. And then there's the bombshell about Judson. ]
You're not going to like hearing this.
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To say that all of this is a lot to take in would be the understatement of the century. Flynn listens, opening his mouth from time to time but then a new piece of information is tossed on to the pile – the awful, horrible pile of bad news – and he goes back to pacing aimlessly.]
I'm not? You mean, next to all the other outrageous things that I really don't like hearing because really, I feel like we should introduce a scale at some point?
Where would you place what I'm about to hear on, let's say, oh, maybe "he obviously only let Nicole out of her cell because you needed her help"?
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I'd place it somewhere on "the one thing I never imagined would happen". Judson is- Well, Judson's moved on.
[ He can't bring himself to say that Judson's dead. The way his mouth tightens as he says those words should clue his past self into the fact that he means something more permanent than just relocating to a new location. Of all people, his past self ought to pick up on the full meaning. ]
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