It's just the job, Peter. It's too dangerous, at some point it catches up with you. I mean, I'm definitely trying to hold out as long as possible? And I want to say I'm doing pretty good at the moment but it is what it is.
[He smiles a little at his friend's offer to help him train.]
It's okay. I had doubts about it once but that's in the past. I want this. I really do, you know?
[It's what makes being here so painful. He had finally been so ready to accept all of it, even the loneliness of his purpose, and then had been whisked away to this place. It just wasn't fair.]
How does he do it? I don't know. [Flynn exhales. It's not like he hasn't asked himself the very same question, it's not like he didn't have doubts that maybe Judson was just being kind to make the short time he has more bearable. But Flynn doesn't believe that.]
I just... I like to think we're worth it somehow.
[He pauses briefly.]
And I think that's how you feel about your friends, too. You should talk to them. I'm sure they'll understand.
EVERYTHING HURTS \o/ ---- cw cancer more character deaths just all of it
[Peter knows all too well about dangerous jobs. And apparently Flynn's was bad enough that he needed a Guardian. And Flynn was badass enough to kill Dracula.
And he himself was in dangerous job too, and nobody would be able to convince him otherwise to drop it for 'safety reasons.'
But still. This was Flynn. He didn't deserve anything but a long happy life filled with books and learning and whatever it was that he liked.]
You can't.
[It was stupid and childish, but he--
You're already dead.
...dying. It was like talking to someone who was dying.
Take my hand, Peter.
He rubs the bridge of his nose. No. This wasn't--he couldn't--
What could he do? He wanted to do something, but what? If they did manage to get out of here and they all went to their home worlds or universes he could do nothing. Flynn would go back to that dangerous job and that was that.
He'd been so afraid to take her hand. So afraid to accept that she was going to die.
Too afraid to offer comfort, too afraid to be kind in the short moments that she had left.
No. He'd regretted that for too long.
He wouldn't close himself off anymore, he couldn't let that fear get the best of him, couldn't let himself get beaten by his own pain. He'd regret it so much. He had to take her hand.
Everyone's hand.]
...Let me teach you something, man. At least add a couple more years.
[He doesn't sound choked up no.]
Everyone's worth it. You're all worth it. Whatever it is, you're more than worth it.
[Who cares if I kill you, you're already dead. The ugly words resound in his head still. They had hurt, a lot, not only because of their crude message but also because Flynn genuinely likes Peter so even after they had talked, even after things had gone back to normal, they had stuck with him.
They had struck a chord with his battle for survival because Flynn doesn't want to die. Doesn't want to be seen as dead. He knows it's coming, he accepts it but at the same time he knows he will be clinging to his life for hopefully a long time to come.
But now they are slowly replaced with something else and he can feel their iron grip loosening.
Let me teach you something, man. At least add a couple more years.
Something in his chest eases and Flynn feels a sudden fondness for Peter that brings another smile to his face.]
Sure, that sounds great. I guess I could always use some space pirate tricks up my sleeve.
[When Peter's voice hitches, Flynn feels his throat constrict, too, and he wraps himself into his blanket as if to shield himself.] You know I never had a friend like you. Or friends, really, it's, uh, it's really nice, and, uh. [He clears his throat, unsure what to do with all the emotions suddenly welling up or where to put them.]
... Wow, you know, I have no idea where to go from there.
Good. That's...good, yeah, I'll teach you everything I know.
[Which...might not be a lot academically, but he's got buckets of street smarts.
He's super determined, but Peter "Avoids Painful Emotions" Quill knew that someday, it wouldn't be enough. Or maybe it would be, and Flynn would be an old man yelling about how new Librarians should get off his lawn. Which would be awesome.
He didn't think he'd be able to get used to it. Saying goodbye for real to people he cared about but...he couldn't take the alternative, either. Wouldn't and couldn't.
Did that mean after so long he'd have to put a stop to having friends? Even if he was nice, did that mean he'd remain aloof, above it all, not letting himself care as deeply as he could've?
But even after what Ego did, all the horrible, sickening things he did, part of Peter knew that as much as he tried to deny it, even Meredith Quill, a woman who adored music and made the best mixtapes from Missouri, was special enough to get through to an immortal, cold, ancient alien being. And there might be more Meredith Quills out there. Maybe he even already knew them.
And maybe, just maybe if things went well, he'd have a chance at protecting the galaxy for as long as he could to make sure all the Meridith Quills and Flynns and Gamoras could have a few years longer.
Could he do it? Say goodbye over and over again? For the greater good?
He swallows.]
...yeah. Uh, me too, I didn't have many friends before the Guardians. This town is stupid and I hate it but--
--if I had to do this, all of this, over again just to make new ones, to meet you and Stephen and Wilson and Bucky and Rhys and John and just...everybody...I would.
[Except House.]
What I'm tryin' to say is...I guess...no matter what this town's done to us, there's good things too. And I am damn lucky to have you as a friend.
Yeah. Yeah, me too. I don't... I can't really have friends as the Librarian and people tend to die around me and I just, I'm just glad that we're friends, and...
[If they ever went back to their worlds Peter would definitely be one of the hardest to say goodbye to. And saying goodbye is already something that Flynn is very bad at; it's nothing he wants to think about, not when this whole friendship thing is already so complicated and new and confusing and it just became even more complicated with everything they're sharing. Flynn has never talked about death and chances and purpose like that with anyone but Judson and Nicole – and, briefly, Simone – and it brings a new level of connectedness with Peter he doesn't really know how to handle.]
It's good to have friends.
[A pause.
Then, pointedly,] I'm not lifting weights with you.
You can't really have friends as the Librarian? Not even like, drinking buddies to hang out with on Friday nights? And people tend to die around you?! Did you accidentally pick up a cursed artifact and put it in your pocket or something?
[Questions, he has questions!
But that seemed super lonely.
Peter was never actually isolated, the Ravagers were comprised of 99% jerks and there were too many dates with names he couldn't remember, but he was never wanting for a random bit of company. Having real friends though, like the Guardians, and not just acquaintances or people he knew, was different.]
Well, you better get used to it, pal.
[That gets a real smile. He doesn't want to think about 'goodbye', think about how many 'goodbyes' he'd have to go through. How did this Judson fellow do it? Experience? Maybe he was just used to it? He didn't know how he'd say goodbye to the people he cared about here. Especially Flynn.]
[Well, maybe that was the wrong thing to mention because now that Flynn thinks about it this is actually the absolute last thing in his life he ever wants to talk about.]
I'm usually busy on Friday nights. And all the other nights, too.
[But he had to admit that maybe... maybe this was something he could actually get used to. Having a real friend. A good friend.
A good friend who needs some ground rules.]
We are absolutely not lifting any weights, ever. I mean, you can? I'm not stopping you, you just, you go right ahead. Live the dream. The sweaty, miserable dream that holds no appeal whatsoever.
Oh, yes, of course! I spend time with Judson all the time. We talk a lot. And Charlene, she works for the Library, too, but she doesn't like it when I hang out at her office too much and then she docks my pay... [Despite what he just said he laughs, his voice turning very fond.]
And then of course there's Cal. We're best buddies.
[See? He's not entirely friendless. It's just a very peculiar combination of an Immortal who is pretty much his surrogate father, another Immortal who could probably freeze hell over with a single stare and a flying sword.]
What? No! Why would I want to be-- I work very hard on not getting shredded, that is a horrible way to go? [He might take that a little too literally here.]
She's just very strict about our budget. And having Cal here would be great. But he would hate the cold, I think, he spends all his time at the Library, it's really warm and comfy there.
[There's a pause on his end as well.]
Oh. ... I'd rather just learn some clever space tricks? I'm not a brawler, Peter. And I really don't think that with our current diet I stand a chance of gaining muscle mass.
Because that's just really the fastest way to give Charlene a conniption.
[Another pause.
When he pipes up again his voice is just on the verge of insulted. He hasn't exactly forgotten the things Peter said to him the last time that particular subject came up in the middle of almost getting run over.]
And then his voice does a thing and Peter wonders if he's said something wrong. Uh, how to approach this...he's not used to holding back too much when it came to friendly banter.]
Uh, just...you know, it could use a little work. More efficient so you can get away from bad stuff faster!
I don't think I'd live to tell the tale. She's a little scary when she's angry, you know? Man, when I get back she's going to want to see all the receipts, where do I even get receipts in this place...
[He's exaggerating as per usual. He loves his thorny little bookkeeper. Which doesn't mean he isn't also deadly afraid of her wrath. She just has that effect on you.]
... Well, I wouldn't mind getting away from bad stuff faster. [HE'LL TAKE IT.]
[But Flynn's voice warms considerably. Man, Peter, he likes you so much. Being called smart does make him feel better about himself, too, and he can really use that right about now.]
Well, I wouldn't say everything, but, I try? Maybe one day.
Maybe one day? Psh. That day is already here! Look you even taught me about stuff! I never learn, it's one of my issues! And you got me to learn? Yeah. Total genius.
I bet you even know about like...like how magnets work or how the pyramids were built or or or if Bigfoot is real, you know those supermarket tabloids were always onto something, they knew about aliens--
But learning includes learning how to fly. [CHECKMATE, buddy.]
Alright! I'll prepare a lesson for next time. Did you know that I studied Egyptology? It was my favorite subject. I can tell you everything about the pyramids, which Dynasty interest you the most?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the death doesn't stop
[He smiles a little at his friend's offer to help him train.]
It's okay. I had doubts about it once but that's in the past. I want this. I really do, you know?
[It's what makes being here so painful. He had finally been so ready to accept all of it, even the loneliness of his purpose, and then had been whisked away to this place. It just wasn't fair.]
How does he do it? I don't know. [Flynn exhales. It's not like he hasn't asked himself the very same question, it's not like he didn't have doubts that maybe Judson was just being kind to make the short time he has more bearable. But Flynn doesn't believe that.]
I just... I like to think we're worth it somehow.
[He pauses briefly.]
And I think that's how you feel about your friends, too. You should talk to them. I'm sure they'll understand.
EVERYTHING HURTS \o/ ---- cw cancer more character deaths just all of it
And he himself was in dangerous job too, and nobody would be able to convince him otherwise to drop it for 'safety reasons.'
But still. This was Flynn. He didn't deserve anything but a long happy life filled with books and learning and whatever it was that he liked.]
You can't.
[It was stupid and childish, but he--
You're already dead.
...dying. It was like talking to someone who was dying.
Take my hand, Peter.
He rubs the bridge of his nose. No. This wasn't--he couldn't--
What could he do? He wanted to do something, but what? If they did manage to get out of here and they all went to their home worlds or universes he could do nothing. Flynn would go back to that dangerous job and that was that.
He'd been so afraid to take her hand. So afraid to accept that she was going to die.
Too afraid to offer comfort, too afraid to be kind in the short moments that she had left.
No. He'd regretted that for too long.
He wouldn't close himself off anymore, he couldn't let that fear get the best of him, couldn't let himself get beaten by his own pain. He'd regret it so much. He had to take her hand.
Everyone's hand.]
...Let me teach you something, man. At least add a couple more years.
[He doesn't sound choked up no.]
Everyone's worth it. You're all worth it. Whatever it is, you're more than worth it.
a little bit of death still
They had struck a chord with his battle for survival because Flynn doesn't want to die. Doesn't want to be seen as dead. He knows it's coming, he accepts it but at the same time he knows he will be clinging to his life for hopefully a long time to come.
But now they are slowly replaced with something else and he can feel their iron grip loosening.
Let me teach you something, man. At least add a couple more years.
Something in his chest eases and Flynn feels a sudden fondness for Peter that brings another smile to his face.]
Sure, that sounds great. I guess I could always use some space pirate tricks up my sleeve.
[When Peter's voice hitches, Flynn feels his throat constrict, too, and he wraps himself into his blanket as if to shield himself.] You know I never had a friend like you. Or friends, really, it's, uh, it's really nice, and, uh. [He clears his throat, unsure what to do with all the emotions suddenly welling up or where to put them.]
... Wow, you know, I have no idea where to go from there.
no subject
[Which...might not be a lot academically, but he's got buckets of street smarts.
He's super determined, but Peter "Avoids Painful Emotions" Quill knew that someday, it wouldn't be enough. Or maybe it would be, and Flynn would be an old man yelling about how new Librarians should get off his lawn. Which would be awesome.
He didn't think he'd be able to get used to it. Saying goodbye for real to people he cared about but...he couldn't take the alternative, either. Wouldn't and couldn't.
Did that mean after so long he'd have to put a stop to having friends? Even if he was nice, did that mean he'd remain aloof, above it all, not letting himself care as deeply as he could've?
But even after what Ego did, all the horrible, sickening things he did, part of Peter knew that as much as he tried to deny it, even Meredith Quill, a woman who adored music and made the best mixtapes from Missouri, was special enough to get through to an immortal, cold, ancient alien being. And there might be more Meredith Quills out there. Maybe he even already knew them.
And maybe, just maybe if things went well, he'd have a chance at protecting the galaxy for as long as he could to make sure all the Meridith Quills and Flynns and Gamoras could have a few years longer.
Could he do it? Say goodbye over and over again? For the greater good?
He swallows.]
...yeah. Uh, me too, I didn't have many friends before the Guardians. This town is stupid and I hate it but--
--if I had to do this, all of this, over again just to make new ones, to meet you and Stephen and Wilson and Bucky and Rhys and John and just...everybody...I would.
[Except House.]
What I'm tryin' to say is...I guess...no matter what this town's done to us, there's good things too. And I am damn lucky to have you as a friend.
no subject
[If they ever went back to their worlds Peter would definitely be one of the hardest to say goodbye to. And saying goodbye is already something that Flynn is very bad at; it's nothing he wants to think about, not when this whole friendship thing is already so complicated and new and confusing and it just became even more complicated with everything they're sharing. Flynn has never talked about death and chances and purpose like that with anyone but Judson and Nicole – and, briefly, Simone – and it brings a new level of connectedness with Peter he doesn't really know how to handle.]
It's good to have friends.
[A pause.
Then, pointedly,] I'm not lifting weights with you.
no subject
[Questions, he has questions!
But that seemed super lonely.
Peter was never actually isolated, the Ravagers were comprised of 99% jerks and there were too many dates with names he couldn't remember, but he was never wanting for a random bit of company. Having real friends though, like the Guardians, and not just acquaintances or people he knew, was different.]
Well, you better get used to it, pal.
[That gets a real smile. He doesn't want to think about 'goodbye', think about how many 'goodbyes' he'd have to go through. How did this Judson fellow do it? Experience? Maybe he was just used to it? He didn't know how he'd say goodbye to the people he cared about here. Especially Flynn.]
We're lifting weights.
no subject
I'm usually busy on Friday nights. And all the other nights, too.
[But he had to admit that maybe... maybe this was something he could actually get used to. Having a real friend. A good friend.
A good friend who needs some ground rules.]
We are absolutely not lifting any weights, ever. I mean, you can? I'm not stopping you, you just, you go right ahead. Live the dream. The sweaty, miserable dream that holds no appeal whatsoever.
no subject
[He hated to think that Flynn was going back to a friendless existence.]
There's gotta be somebody back home you can hang out with.
[There's a 'psshh' sound.]
Don't you want to be shredded? You could smash like a thousand bad guys.
no subject
And then of course there's Cal. We're best buddies.
[See? He's not entirely friendless. It's just a very peculiar combination of an Immortal who is pretty much his surrogate father, another Immortal who could probably freeze hell over with a single stare and a flying sword.]
What? No! Why would I want to be-- I work very hard on not getting shredded, that is a horrible way to go? [He might take that a little too literally here.]
no subject
[Fond voice or not, Flynn, that seems super mean, you need that money, probably!]
I wish you had Cal here so I could see it. I'm kind of jealous between you and Stephen having magical artifacts that do stuff.
[There's a pause.]
No, dude. Shredded as in...built? Buff? Rockin' hot bod? Not like actually getting shredded?
...we're gonna do weights.
no subject
[There's a pause on his end as well.]
Oh. ... I'd rather just learn some clever space tricks? I'm not a brawler, Peter. And I really don't think that with our current diet I stand a chance of gaining muscle mass.
no subject
...yeah, you got a point. And really, the first thing I'd wanna work on is your run. Gotta get that thing more streamlined, dude.
no subject
[Another pause.
When he pipes up again his voice is just on the verge of insulted. He hasn't exactly forgotten the things Peter said to him the last time that particular subject came up
in the middle of almost getting run over.]So you do think I run stupid.
no subject
[Come on Flynn, live a little!
And then his voice does a thing and Peter wonders if he's said something wrong. Uh, how to approach this...he's not used to holding back too much when it came to friendly banter.]
Uh, just...you know, it could use a little work. More efficient so you can get away from bad stuff faster!
[Was that diplomatic? HE DOESN'T KNOW--]
no subject
[He's exaggerating as per usual. He loves his thorny little bookkeeper. Which doesn't mean he isn't also deadly afraid of her wrath. She just has that effect on you.]
... Well, I wouldn't mind getting away from bad stuff faster. [HE'LL TAKE IT.]
no subject
Receipts? Receipts for what? Pain and suffering?
[P H E W.]
Good! Yeah, that's good, cause believe it or not, sometimes evading a fight is just as good as actually fighting.
Unless the fate of the universe is at stake. Then you have to fight even if you don't wanna.
no subject
[Knowing Charlene she would find a way to expect him to keep track of whatever costs he is not causing.]
I do believe it. I believe it very much. I actually try to avoid a fight as much as possible, Librarians fight with their brain, not their brawn.
no subject
But hey, fighting with your brain just means you're smart enough not to get killed. Which is what we want here.
no subject
We're definitely on the same page then. And I, yeah, I like to think I am.
no subject
[He's thinking of public economy flights in space more than airplanes, but he figures the tight space and meager service is pretty universal.]
You're totally a genius, bro, you're like the smartest person I know! You know everything! [Listen to all this admiration in his voice!]
no subject
[But Flynn's voice warms considerably. Man, Peter, he likes you so much. Being called smart does make him feel better about himself, too, and he can really use that right about now.]
Well, I wouldn't say everything, but, I try? Maybe one day.
no subject
I bet you even know about like...like how magnets work or how the pyramids were built or or or if Bigfoot is real, you know those supermarket tabloids were always onto something, they knew about aliens--
no subject
[100% conviction in his voice. There is nothing greater than learning, Peter, trust him.
His voice brightens considerably.] Do you want to know how the pyramids were built?
no subject
Uh, sure! That sounds cool.
[He thinks aliens did it, to be honest, because there was that one tabloid that said so.]
no subject
Alright! I'll prepare a lesson for next time. Did you know that I studied Egyptology? It was my favorite subject. I can tell you everything about the pyramids, which Dynasty interest you the most?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)